I think there comes a time in a woman’s life where she reaches a particular age, or point in life where she feels free, at liberty and open to say whatever the hell she feels to whomever the hell she feels. She could be a stranger, a family member, a coworker or the person standing behind you in line at the grocery store. Not knowing if you’re already having a bad day, she randomly comments on the bags under your eyes and recommends a product to get the swelling down. Unaware of the fact that you just lost 10 pounds and celebrated by wearing a crop top and hot shorts, she walks up to you and tugs your shirt down to cover your navel. Making matter worse, you have never seen this woman a day in your life! Or the female coworker who’s quick to comment on your choice of nail polish color and suggests you, “wear something more ladylike.” I call her the unsolicited mom and here’s the problem I have with her.
Let me just say this, that I am so respectful of my elders and those I come into contact with who try to pour lessons, life experiences and knowledge into me. My problem, though, lies in the fact that this unsolicited mom is usually rude, invasive and very disrespectful. She’s older and could always find something wrong with a younger woman.
I was minding my business in the fabric store one day shopping for Christmas ornaments. I was bending down to get beautiful silver and gold doves on a low shelf and felt this person pull the bottom of my shirt. I quickly turned around, ready to slap the entire hell out of the person touching me and quickly realised it was an older lady; who was clearly uncomfortable seeing the small of my back. Now, I’m not thin skinned at all but I was so offended and felt belittled by this woman! It was as if she was bending down to tie the shoe laces of a snotty nosed toddler who needed help. Like come on! I’m sorry if my crop top and skinny leg jeans offend you, but that’s what I choose to wear. I was feeling good that day, went out of the way to dress up a little more than usual, it was the holiday season and I wanted to look good — crop top and all! Touching a complete stranger is not cool and I’m pretty sure if she was paying attention to the 10 million items falling out her cart she wouldn’t have seen my midriff.
The unsolicited mom, usually forgets that younger women…are WOMEN too! Yes, while a little less experienced (generally) and seeing a different world through different eyes, she’s no lesser woman. The way she chooses to dress, wear her hair or makeup, stand, walk, sit or run is her business. Sure, unsolicited advice is welcomed in certain circumstances; like if I left my car lights on or if my purse is opened, my fly is down, or yes, offering sound advice; this is helpful advice. But if my 6-inch heels, bright red hair or dark eyeliner catches your attention, just smile and wave…smile and wave. I can assure you that’s what made me feel good that day and I should not be made to feel embarrassed about it. Combing someone’s hair the way you like it, constantly asking her when she’s going to get married, making shady remarks about her weight change or offering unwanted parenting advice to a younger mother is oh so wrong and could really turn someone’s day upside down.
I get the fact that sometimes offering a stranger a word of advice comes from a place of friendliness, excitement and a genuine need to help, but be kind with your words and limited in your touching because I’m sure the unsolicited mom, doesn’t want to come into contact with an unsolicited daughter!
Live. Love. Write it down.