Let’s speak the truth.
Many engaged and married people get snobbish and judgy the minute they slip their rings on; turning up their noses at the single and dating as if they’re silver, gold and diamond encrusted jewelry is a mark of success and happiness. I’ve found that this snooty characteristic fits a lot of engaged and married women, more so than their men.
It’s the truth.
But that’s another topic for another day.
The conversation came up the other day when I was sorta-kinda invited and then sorta-kinds uninvited to a business event for couples, because my boyfriend and I aren’t engaged, nor married. We’re “just dating.”
He and I have been working together for years; nailing every single task, business venture and plan we’ve taken on, even nominated for awards for some of them. Our track record proves that individually and together we have a lot offer in terms of advice and experience, to anyone willing to listen; married, unmarried or otherwise.
But I was told to keep the invite to this event “in the back of my mind for when the time comes.”
And by “the time,” I assume they meant whenever he proposes and/or we get married.
This happened last week.
About four years ago, I remember going through the already ridiculously tedious process of applying for a home mortgage and the male loan officer telling me, and I’ll paraphrase, “I see you’re not married. This would be much easier for you if you were. Are you sure you don’t want to wait until then?”
He never saw me again!
But last week when I was in conversation with my colleague about the social prejudice against the single and dating, I was reminded of every time I was told I could’t attend an event, or partake in some activity, or qualify for something because I’m unmarried. Now I know this person means well; always checking in on me, wishing me well, congratualting and encouraging. So I just had to ask the question becasue I knew I would get an honest response;
Why are daters constantly left out of relationship groups, counselling sessions, business ventures, everything?!
Why are they treated differently and can’t enjoy the same benefits as the married in insurance, job opportunities and housing?
She admitted that daters are unfairly left out of of many events and happenings earmarked for the engaged and married, where they could not only learn and grow, but also help and yes, give advice, but also that it’s something that should change.
Here’s why we ought to stop leaving the daters out!
Every relationship starts somewhere
I absolutely respect and adore the sanctity of marriage. I, like many nmarried folk, too want to get married someday. But until then you have to cherish the foundation and mere existence of your current relationship and status. Know what it means, know where it’s headed and know that, like every engaged or married couple, they started here too. All relationships start somewhere. No one is born married nor with an engagement ring on their finger, but society would have you believe that if you’re not wearing one then the relationships you do have are meaningless. I call BS on that notion! Any married person who’s real about this thing would tell you that it’s important to build, to learn, to grow, to adjust and even compromise, that’s what dating is for, and that matters.
Every relationship needs and could use helpDating, engaged, married...every relationship could use a little resuscitation from time to time Click To Tweet
A little help goes a long way. But it seems like many of the resources out there to help with relationship issues only welcome and are tailored to the ring rockin’ folk. If we are to get really honest, even churches seem to snub their noses at the unmarried for seeking counselling and other services. I’ve even heard of some pastors and therapists refusing to talk to couples because they weren’t married. How crazy is it to turn a dating couple away from your doors, forcing them to deal with life’s craziness on their own and wonder why families, homes and even marriages are in such ruins today? So you’d rather me handle my issues alone while they’re in the infancy stages (dating) and then come to you after they’ve blossomed into real life problems (marriage)? Because from what I could tell the ring doesn’t make the problems go away.
Look at me, not my ring finger!
You could be missing out on so much valuable information by judging too quickly. All these groups and seminars and sessions could be so enriched by being more inclusive. What I wear or don’t wear on my finger doesn’t equate to what’s in my brain nor what value I add to a conversation. Sure, I can’t speak from a married woman’s perspective, but who’s to say my own isn’t just as valuable and helpful? Heck, it might help a married woman! Truth is, what a person is worth, their value, their contribution to society, their success, their happiness does not lie in some carats.