Everyone’s looking for love. But not everyone knows where and how to find it. There are those who’ve tried everything but just can’t seem to get it right. There are those who’ve turned to social media and the ever popular memes and inspirational love quotes from relationship experts and gurus from around the world. While quotes, videos and statuses offering love and relationship advice from Americans Tony Gaskins and Paul C. Brunson, The Bahamas can also claim its very own love guru who, in my estimation, offers up equally helpful thoughts. Meet Chris Kazi Rolle. Born in The Bahamas but raised in Brooklyn, New York and now living in Los Angeles, California, Chris describes himself as a “helpful romantic.”
“I help people find and keep love. I am a convo starter. I am that guy who gets everyone at the party talking and connecting. I am notorious for asking the hard, provocative questions that everyone thinks to ask but no one has the courage to ask.”
The proud husband and father says he works hard to keep the A+ his wife Nefra gave him on his last husband report card. MiniSkirts and Microphones quizzed this Bahamian love guru about love, life and getting them both all the way right.
MiniSkirts and Microphones (MAM): With so many “love gurus” around, what sets you apart from the Tony Gaskins and Paul C. Brunsons (who is of Jamaican descent)?
Chris Kazi Rolle (CKR): I know each one of those brothers personally, and I would say that we have more in common than differences. After talking to each one of them, I can tell you for sure that this work has been more of a calling, than a job. We have all worked in other industries before entering the love space. We genuinely want to be of service and desire to positively impact people’s lives. We all have a lot of female followers. We work with everyday people and celebrity clientele. We’re Christians and come from a biblical and scientific base with our philosophies. We all have very similar beliefs. However, what makes us all uniquely different are our stories and our approach. Me personally, I grew up in foster care, and lived nomadically for most of my life. I was born and raised in the West Indies and came to America as a teenager. I lived in many homes and have seen what works and what doesn’t. I am well traveled and well read. I’m book smart and street savvy. My approach is very down to earth and relatable. I am anti-pretentious and believe in straight talk for straight understanding. I keep it all the way real. I think that is the one of the main reasons I can connect with so many people from various walks of life. My clientele run the gamut, from working class to upper middle class. I am very solution-oriented but I don’t utilize a cookie cutter methodology, I believe that everyone and every relationship is different. My superpower is in my ability to create safe spaces where people can be themselves and not feel judged. I meet people where they are so I can take them where they desire to go. Lastly, unlike many of my contemporaries, who work more exclusively with women, half of my clients are men.
MAM: Your social media posts and website are riddled with inspirational quotes, articles on love and life. Why did you choose to do what you do and coach people through life?
CRK: I think we all have a calling we just don’t always have ears to hear it. Through experience and maturity, our ability to listen for God’s voice in our live’s become in tuned. Since a child people would confide in me and tell me things that they have never told anyone else. I would be a millionaire if I had a dollar for every time someone said, “You inspire me.” I never thought much of it until about 10 years ago, when one of my mentors told me that one way to find my calling was to…listen. He said to listen to what people have been ‘calling’ on me for, pay attention to the things that ‘speak’ to me and to think about what compliment you have ‘heard’ about yourself over and over again. My calling is to help others navigate their journey. I have had a very hard life. I had to grow up fast. God has blessed me with success. I am very blessed to be where I am today, and I think it is my duty to be a blessing in return. Along my journey, I have learned so many strategies for success and have developed such a tenacity and resilient spirit that I realize that I could use those things to be of service to others. To help make their life easier. What has gotten me through are positive affirmations, inspirational stories, empowering books, heroic images, motivational quotes and just my own inner dialogue. So, that is what I share with people everyday on social media. I know that it helps them to get through the tough times and assist them in finding their purpose.
And Chris is right, I follow him on Instagram and Facebook and his posts are the most amazing things to wake up to most mornings. Whether it’s a beautiful photo of his wife captioned appropriately, Facebook statuses that encourage you to “Focus on the healing, not the hurt,” or inspiring photos of black love.
MAM: As living proof of it, talk to me about looking for love but not looking in the right places or not seeing love disguised as a friend, co worker, neighbour etc., because that person doesn’t meet certain requirements (physical, social etc.)
CRK: I strongly believe that there is someone out who is the perfect fit for who you are. You have to, first, know yourself, in order to know who is best suited for you. Most self discovery happens through listening to our own inner voice. However, the noise of the outside world is so loud that it drowns out our own internal judgement. This leads us to seek our validation from society, the media and other people. We allow them to tell us who we are, who is beautiful, how we should dress, and our own level of worthiness. The truth is, everyone is different. We are all unique. Unfortunately we inherit ideas about love that don’t actually work for us. So, we make a lot of mistakes before we realize that we have to live from the inside out, instead of vice versa. We often find out who is most compatible with us by experiencing who is not. Though it might be after a few bad relationships, over time, we learn our lesson. Some of us get lucky and get it right the first time. For the rest of us our two best teachers are trial and error. When we finally get it, we feel convicted in our spirits about it, that we can stand up to the external opposition or judgement that once dictated it to us.
MAM: How can we fix this? Should we?
CKR: We have to be able to think for ourselves, trust our own instincts and make choices based on self love. A lot of us, myself included, have failed in relationships because we looked for love and validation from others before we searched within. After failing enough times we come to the realization that the access to a healthy loving relationship with someone else is having one with ourselves. Whitney Houston said it best… “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.”
MAM: Your number one rule for dating?
CKR: Dating is a series of one-on-one interviews to fill a partnership position at the company called, “You.” My number one rule for dating is… Do your due diligence! Take time to know them. It’s a not an overnight thing. Most of the things that cause drama in a relationship are the same things that were ignored early on.
Several years ago Chris hosted “Straight Talk. No Chaser” in Nassau, Bahamas where all-male-panel and an all-female-audience engaged in a raw and uncensored conversation about what is on the heart and minds of men. And you’re in luck because a second event is scheduled for December.
MAM: With you being based in the US, do you plan on helping your Bahamian people with love and life? We need it!
CKR: For last few years I have been doing an annual exclusive event for professionals on the island. It’s called Straight Talk. No Chaser. [stncbahamas.eventbrite.com]. At the event attendees receive a wealth of valuable information and resources to help navigate their dating and relationship challenges. We are planning to expand that event to a one day conference. — Thanks to the Internet I am always accessible. I work with a lot of international clients one-on-one via Skype. In addition, I share a ton of free practical advice and usuable tools on my website [chriskazirolle.com], as well as, via my various social media channels [@chriskazirolle].
Straight Talk. No Chaser. is scheduled for Sunday December 28, 2014.