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Part Two! 10 Things No One Tells New Brides! 5 MORE Wives Dish on Life AFTER “I Do!”

Whew! I had no idea you guys would love the first instalment as much as you did! The comments, words, of advice, shared stories and literal death threats for me to do a part two really meant the world to me, well… minus the death threats.

The initial story was viewed on this site thousands of times, shared a bunch over social media and garnered thousands of comments across the web. Look at some of them!

Honestly, some other wives shared some amazing stories of their own in the comments. Head to part 1 of this wives’ expose and my Facebook page to read some of the comments and to get your life…and some jokes! I’m even being asked to do the husband version!

My husband and I celebrated three months on Sunday November 18 and yes I’m still learning, growing and finding my way as a wife. Since the last article I’ve cooked a lot less (lol) and finally figured out how the juicer works. He’s finally figuring learning that I use his cuddles to fall asleep, but once I find the sweet spot, he gets pushed off so I could sleep alone…ahahaha sorry babe! Oh and yea, I got fussed at for not wrapping the cord around the iron and putting it back in its place. In my defense, it’s really risky wrapping a hot iron!

See, I’m a new wife still in here figuring this marriage thing out! Just like four other new wives who are also sharing their tales of wedded bliss!

10 (more) things no one tells new wives!

I first got the idea to do this blog well before I was married or even engaged. I would always hear my sister and other friends and family members talk about the ins and outs of being a wife and would laugh at them! Since my sister was the inspiration for these posts I had to get her take! She’s three years into her marriage and comes with a load of insight!

Ivana Moncur 

Wedding Date: 5.16.2015

The first thing for me was responsibility. You’re already a responsible adult, but moving from your parents’ home where you have your whole family, to moving in with your husband and it’s just the two of you; as a wife you have to be responsible for everything. You have to make sure everything is there. There’s this deep sense of organization you have to tap into because there’s no one there, just you two. You can’t depend on your mom or sister to have the lotion in the bathroom or to cook the food. If I don’t cook the food, the food probably wont get cooked! You have to dig deep to be responsible on a level you never had to before. I also learned that it was such a relief that we didn’t have to drive to separate houses at the end of the night or day! No more drop offs or pick ups for a date. It’s just a great feeling that we didn’t have to separate at night and could go home together. That was one of the first things I learned! We’ve been married three years now, but in the first years it was a lot of figuring things out and compromising. But as the years go on everything falls right into place by the second or third year. The challenges we had in the first year disappeared and it feels like we’ve been together for a very long time. As time goes on it does get easier but it’s definitely a task you have to keep working at. Now, for me, it’s all about finding ways to cook cleaner so we can both be healthier later on in life and how to make good financial decisions. In the third year you definitely start thinking differently and more long term!

Ianthia Ferguson 

Wedding Date: 8.18.18

married woman wedding dress

married woman wedding dress

Hello, it’s me again! A new wife still learning this thing. Being in a married, I’ve quickly learned that my space is no longer my space and that even on the days when I want to be left alone and wallow in my own pity, there’s someone right next to me asking, “you good, what’s wrong, are you ok, you sure you’re ok?” OMG! That’s such a pet peeve for me, espcially when I’m ticked off! But I’m learning that I have to share the ins and outs of my days, even on the days I don’t want to. When I’m in a funk I love to be left alone and just not talk about it. When I get like this, I cop an attitude…QUICK! But being married means learning how to channel that attitude into effective communication and getting out of your comfort zone to share those parts of your day you might not want to. WOOOSSSAAAHHHH…I’m still learning!

Shar Davis 

Wedding Date: 5.20.18 

I’ve only been married six months but we’ve been together almost five years. Partnership has stretched me in ways I could have never imagined. It has tremendously contributed to my evolution as a woman. In the beginning of our relationship I was so sassy, he would bring something to my attention in a loving way and I would immediately give a snarky response just to defend myself.  I wasn’t open to constructive criticism, mainly because when you’re single you don’t see anything wrong with your actions. It takes a partner to bring out your deepest dysfunction and I wasn’t receptive to my short comings. The best advice I have been given is to fight fair, because once you say something you can’t take it back and no matter how many times you apologize those words have already cut deep and it’s hard to heal those wounds. My husband is full of compassion and patience. He has led by example even when I was too stubborn and too much of a hot head to acknowledge it. Marriage is a learning vessel and it’s a beautiful thing to have a front row seat to our growth not only as individuals but as a team.
Another thing I’ve learned is that although we are married we don’t have to lose sight of ourselves, so many times I’ve witnessed couples lose their identity once they’re married, at one point I felt like I had done the same thing. I was vocal about it to my husband and he told me that it’s okay to have a girls day, take a girls trip, spend long hours at work (we are both self employed) and forget about dinner every now and then. He said, “You have to do what fills your soul and as your husband I have to be a team player.” I’m pretty sure I shed some tears because It felt so refreshing to hear that and further more it was confirmation that God blessed me with an amazing partner. Marriage is not about ownership. As long as you are respecting each other and staying true to your vows you should feel free to be your authentic self and rest assure knowing that your partner is rooting for you every step of the way.
Dennise Kellman 
Wedding Date: 08.31.18
married woman wedding dress
One lesson I learned was that money matters! I read in an article that finances are one of the most sensitive topics with newlyweds. You have to be comfortable in stepping out of your comfort zone. Finances matter! We got into a heated conversation that we blocked each other for a few days. When it comes to communication, everyone speaks a different language. You have to be able to be transparent with one another in order to start building towards your future. We are looking forward to saving money towards a home, but with our recent move, we have to shift our finances and rebuild our savings before making that investment. Another lesson I learned was about the “50-50 myth!” Let’s be honest. There are some days you will not have the energy in you to complete a task; cook, clean, take the kids to school…you know. I grew up in a old fashioned household. The women and men have clearly defined roles. My husband and I both have full time jobs and have recently relocated to California. Although we both know our strengths and areas of improvement, whoever gets to it first tackles it! It helps in navigating a new environment and helping each other out when the going gets tough. It took me a while not to feel guilty about not having the energy to cook dinner, but times have changed and in order to to be a successful team, you have to work together.
Krystal Culmer 
Wedding Date: 25.08.18 
married woman wedding dress
Two months in and I think the biggest thing for me is adjusting to having someone else in my space constantly. We’ve traveled together and everything so I did not think “living” with him would be so different. Boy was I wrong, LOLOL. We did not move into our martial home until after the wedding and so this was a big deal. I am an introvert and so it was and still is difficult to have someone around 24/7. Somedays I want to come home and do nothing, but then he would message me during the day “So what’s for dinner?” and I’m like I haven’t really thought about that, I really have to go home and do wife duties. Nonetheless, I enjoy being a wife so far sometimes it doesn’t feel different than being in a relationship (which I think is awesome). But it definitely is a work in progress and what I’ve realized is that open communication is key to making the marriage last.

You know the drill! Sound off in the comments!! Feel free to share your stories, advice and jokes of being married! 

12 Responses
  • Nelly
    November 28, 2018

    Getting married was by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life!!!! Mainly because I was so use to my mom doing so much. I came home from work and meet a hot meal prepared by my mom. Laundry etc. After marriage, I became the person my mother was to us. It was definitely a reality check. My husband made his role look so easy but I struggled. Also, I was so use to being independent and making my own decisions. I had to learn how to communicate and share ideas. In some ways, I felt like I lost my identity but it was really the death of a spoiled personality to birth a responsible person. Now, two years into marriage, I have a routine and learned how to communicate my plans, ideas and feelings. It has become easy and enjoyable.

  • Gia Smith
    November 28, 2018

    In December we will be celebrating 12 years of marriage (ain’t God good??!). A lesson I have learned is it’s ok to be an INDIVIDUAL, however that doesnt change the importance of “being one”. You need time where you are not Mrs. So and So you are just YOU. And after all these I’m still adapting to this marriage thing and 30 years from now will still be learning how to deal with this man LOL

  • Audra
    November 28, 2018

    Great read. Living together for the first time plus with his family was a huge adjustment. I cried the first day after the honeymoon. Reality hit me fast and hard. We made it though, we’re now 6 years in and in our own home. 😊 Stay focused on your goals as a team.

  • Liz
    November 28, 2018

    Hi ladies, I am a veteran in the marriage business, 34yrs and 3 adult children and 8 grand children. It is so good to hear the positive responses and no one giving up. Just remember we each give 100% there is no 50/50. Dont listen to gossip about you spouse and you keep your business off the streets and all would be great. Really enjoyed ready the blog.

  • Tremmaine
    November 26, 2018

    I’ll be married 7 years in December and everything in this article and the first is People romanticize the wedding day, however more awareness needs to be brought to what happens AFTER the wedding day. Everyday won’t be “goo-goo-ga-ga”. When life and work and bills and money and dreams and goals and “ourselves” get in the way, things can get “real”. However it takes open and honest communication and a daily commitment to make things work and “keep it fresh” to make it last!

  • Marci
    November 25, 2018

    I’m definitely with your sister when it comes to having to part ways after a night out. I’m excited to actual go home together SOON!!!! These stories are real and helpful!

  • Diamond Carter
    November 25, 2018

    I enjoyed reading this so much! I’m getting married in 2020 but my fiancé and I recently moved in together so I can definitely relate to the “space” and “communications” stories. Thanks so much for sharing!

  • Janeen
    November 25, 2018

    Excellent blog. Wow i’m 5 months in and it’s great. Adjusting to someone in my space after living alone 10 years was tricky the first few weeks but we get each other. I am still learning how to include him. I’m the one who forgets to consult because I’m programmed to just take care of stuff. I am learning and we just gel well so no issues. 😁

  • Victoria
    November 24, 2018

    This is an amazing article! I am not married but I definitely enjoyed reading this from different perspectives! It’s so raw and honest! Good job opening up ladies! Beautiful wedding pictures btw!

    • ianthia
      November 24, 2018

      Thanks so much for reading Victoria!!!! It was really refreshing to learn that so many other new wives are having similar feelings!!

  • Jei
    November 24, 2018

    This was so good girl! I loved the fact that in part 1 + 2, every bride gave a positive spin on their takes! I despise hearing more negative things about marriage than positive, so this was refreshing! Can’t wait to hear the view points from the husbands!

    • ianthia
      November 24, 2018

      Thanks girl!!!!!! These two posts were almost therapeutic for me and the other ladies. Yes, there are so many things to get used to being married but you have to see the positive in everything!