Whew! I had no idea you guys would love the first instalment as much as you did! The comments, words, of advice, shared stories and literal death threats for me to do a part two really meant the world to me, well… minus the death threats.
The initial story was viewed on this site thousands of times, shared a bunch over social media and garnered thousands of comments across the web. Look at some of them!
Honestly, some other wives shared some amazing stories of their own in the comments. Head to part 1 of this wives’ expose and my Facebook page to read some of the comments and to get your life…and some jokes! I’m even being asked to do the husband version!
My husband and I celebrated three months on Sunday November 18 and yes I’m still learning, growing and finding my way as a wife. Since the last article I’ve cooked a lot less (lol) and finally figured out how the juicer works. He’s finally figuring learning that I use his cuddles to fall asleep, but once I find the sweet spot, he gets pushed off so I could sleep alone…ahahaha sorry babe! Oh and yea, I got fussed at for not wrapping the cord around the iron and putting it back in its place. In my defense, it’s really risky wrapping a hot iron!
See, I’m a new wife still in here figuring this marriage thing out! Just like four other new wives who are also sharing their tales of wedded bliss!
10 (more) things no one tells new wives!
I first got the idea to do this blog well before I was married or even engaged. I would always hear my sister and other friends and family members talk about the ins and outs of being a wife and would laugh at them! Since my sister was the inspiration for these posts I had to get her take! She’s three years into her marriage and comes with a load of insight!
Wedding Date: 5.16.2015
The first thing for me was responsibility. You’re already a responsible adult, but moving from your parents’ home where you have your whole family, to moving in with your husband and it’s just the two of you; as a wife you have to be responsible for everything. You have to make sure everything is there. There’s this deep sense of organization you have to tap into because there’s no one there, just you two. You can’t depend on your mom or sister to have the lotion in the bathroom or to cook the food. If I don’t cook the food, the food probably wont get cooked! You have to dig deep to be responsible on a level you never had to before. I also learned that it was such a relief that we didn’t have to drive to separate houses at the end of the night or day! No more drop offs or pick ups for a date. It’s just a great feeling that we didn’t have to separate at night and could go home together. That was one of the first things I learned! We’ve been married three years now, but in the first years it was a lot of figuring things out and compromising. But as the years go on everything falls right into place by the second or third year. The challenges we had in the first year disappeared and it feels like we’ve been together for a very long time. As time goes on it does get easier but it’s definitely a task you have to keep working at. Now, for me, it’s all about finding ways to cook cleaner so we can both be healthier later on in life and how to make good financial decisions. In the third year you definitely start thinking differently and more long term!
Wedding Date: 8.18.18
Hello, it’s me again! A new wife still learning this thing. Being in a married, I’ve quickly learned that my space is no longer my space and that even on the days when I want to be left alone and wallow in my own pity, there’s someone right next to me asking, “you good, what’s wrong, are you ok, you sure you’re ok?” OMG! That’s such a pet peeve for me, espcially when I’m ticked off! But I’m learning that I have to share the ins and outs of my days, even on the days I don’t want to. When I’m in a funk I love to be left alone and just not talk about it. When I get like this, I cop an attitude…QUICK! But being married means learning how to channel that attitude into effective communication and getting out of your comfort zone to share those parts of your day you might not want to. WOOOSSSAAAHHHH…I’m still learning!
Wedding Date: 5.20.18
I’ve only been married six months but we’ve been together almost five years. Partnership has stretched me in ways I could have never imagined. It has tremendously contributed to my evolution as a woman. In the beginning of our relationship I was so sassy, he would bring something to my attention in a loving way and I would immediately give a snarky response just to defend myself. I wasn’t open to constructive criticism, mainly because when you’re single you don’t see anything wrong with your actions. It takes a partner to bring out your deepest dysfunction and I wasn’t receptive to my short comings. The best advice I have been given is to fight fair, because once you say something you can’t take it back and no matter how many times you apologize those words have already cut deep and it’s hard to heal those wounds. My husband is full of compassion and patience. He has led by example even when I was too stubborn and too much of a hot head to acknowledge it. Marriage is a learning vessel and it’s a beautiful thing to have a front row seat to our growth not only as individuals but as a team.Another thing I’ve learned is that although we are married we don’t have to lose sight of ourselves, so many times I’ve witnessed couples lose their identity once they’re married, at one point I felt like I had done the same thing. I was vocal about it to my husband and he told me that it’s okay to have a girls day, take a girls trip, spend long hours at work (we are both self employed) and forget about dinner every now and then. He said, “You have to do what fills your soul and as your husband I have to be a team player.” I’m pretty sure I shed some tears because It felt so refreshing to hear that and further more it was confirmation that God blessed me with an amazing partner. Marriage is not about ownership. As long as you are respecting each other and staying true to your vows you should feel free to be your authentic self and rest assure knowing that your partner is rooting for you every step of the way.
One lesson I learned was that money matters! I read in an article that finances are one of the most sensitive topics with newlyweds. You have to be comfortable in stepping out of your comfort zone. Finances matter! We got into a heated conversation that we blocked each other for a few days. When it comes to communication, everyone speaks a different language. You have to be able to be transparent with one another in order to start building towards your future. We are looking forward to saving money towards a home, but with our recent move, we have to shift our finances and rebuild our savings before making that investment. Another lesson I learned was about the “50-50 myth!” Let’s be honest. There are some days you will not have the energy in you to complete a task; cook, clean, take the kids to school…you know. I grew up in a old fashioned household. The women and men have clearly defined roles. My husband and I both have full time jobs and have recently relocated to California. Although we both know our strengths and areas of improvement, whoever gets to it first tackles it! It helps in navigating a new environment and helping each other out when the going gets tough. It took me a while not to feel guilty about not having the energy to cook dinner, but times have changed and in order to to be a successful team, you have to work together.
Two months in and I think the biggest thing for me is adjusting to having someone else in my space constantly. We’ve traveled together and everything so I did not think “living” with him would be so different. Boy was I wrong, LOLOL. We did not move into our martial home until after the wedding and so this was a big deal. I am an introvert and so it was and still is difficult to have someone around 24/7. Somedays I want to come home and do nothing, but then he would message me during the day “So what’s for dinner?” and I’m like I haven’t really thought about that, I really have to go home and do wife duties. Nonetheless, I enjoy being a wife so far sometimes it doesn’t feel different than being in a relationship (which I think is awesome). But it definitely is a work in progress and what I’ve realized is that open communication is key to making the marriage last.