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“Casually” ask a woman these questions and risk crushing her spirits

Kermit the Frog thought he was spot on when he sang, “it aint easy being green.” But he hasn’t seen tough until he’s possessed a vagina, two breasts and an ass that wont quit. Nope, Kermit, just like most men, wont ever understand how hard it is to be a woman. I watched with great interest an episode of the new Tyra Banks talk show “Fablife” where she and co-host Chrissy Teigen admitted to their hatred for constantly being asked about having children, but internally struggling with the hard truth that for years it’s been difficult for both supermodels to get pregnant (see video below). More and more these days, it seems that some extreme pressure is being placed on women to prove their womanhood to society. Prove to a world full of people (who really don’t care about them) that they are worth their salt as females, as women. Prove their worth by possessing and doing the things that 99.9% of the time require a man to even be possible! But, rarely is the pressure placed on him, while the woman has to bear the burden of facing a barrage of questions, being ridiculed and scorned for something that just might not be in her control and quite frankly is no one’s business. So go ahead, casually ask a woman these questions and risk crushing her spirits.

First comes love…

“Why are you single?”  – Sometimes single is the best thing a woman could be. But in a hyper-sexualized society where “bae” is everything, either you have one or you’re going to be nagged about why you don’t. Relationships are so delicate and rushing someone into one just isn’t fair. Maybe she’s taking care of herself , maybe she just got out of a bad one, maybe she knows she’s not ready for one and wont fool herself nor a man into believing otherwise. Just because a woman is single doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her. She’s not less than, she’s probably working on becoming better.

Then comes marriage…

“When are you getting married? – I ran into one of my high school teachers the other day and right after her struggling to remember my name she asked, “So, are you married?” After telling her that I’m currently no one’s wife, I was flabbergasted. As my teacher is this really all you care about? Not about the many lessons you taught me, how I’ve applied them, where I work, how my family is doing? How I’ve matured and grown or planning on saving the world? Is this really all you taught me to aspire to; just to be a wife? Don’t get me wrong, I look forward to the day I get married in my dream wedding and live happily ever after. But because a woman isn’t married, doesn’t mean she deserves to be constantly asked about it. She can’t marry herself and besides, the man traditionally pops the question…why don’t you ask him?! It’s like people think something is wrong with HER if HE hasn’t proposed as yet!

Then comes the baby in the baby carriage…

“When are you having kids?” – I remember a college lecturer saying, “it’s a miracle to get pregnant, it’s a miracle to stay pregnant and it’s a miracle to give birth.” I believe this is so true and so many factors go into this insane “science project.” Outside of a woman, strategically planning motherhood or simply not wanting to be a mother, there are so many complicated issues as to why a woman isn’t a mother. These days it seems as if more and more women are having a difficult time conceiving. Stories of expensive fertility treatments, surrogates and trying a thousand times seem to be the norm. But again that’s none of our business. I think this is one of the most insensitive questions to ask a woman, just because you don’t know her story, her struggles nor her reasons. Besides, just because there is no baby, doesn’t mean it’s her fault. Not all men are as fertile as they’d have us believe!

And then this…

“Are you pregnant?” – No I just ate really well over the past year…or more! How do you just walk up on someone and ask them if they’re pregnant just because their tummy pokes out a bit? How rude?! What if this is the same woman who can’t conceive? We need be so careful of the things we blurt out because we so easily hurt people and pour salt in already painful wounds. Her weight, her pudge, her pregnancy or lack thereof is none of your business!

Some people could take being asked anything and feel nothing from it, but there are some who are struggling with these issues and would rather you ask her where she got her shirt from rather than when her uterus will bear fruit.

Marriage, love, kids, family are beautiful things, I love to see people happy in their situations and plan to one day have my own. But just because any woman doesn’t have or is yet to have these things, mean it’s for you to question, constantly ask about or even care for. As friends, sisters and family we need to be a bit more considerate of how we approach situations! No matter how hard society tells us to be a “girl boss,” stand our ground and work hard for what we want, it seems people wont really be happy until you’re pregnant and barefoot in some man’s kitchen.

Here’s the Fablife video! And Chrissy announced her pregnancy on Monday night!