Sign up with your email address to be the first to know about new products, VIP offers, blog features & more.

10 Things No One Tells New Brides! 5 New Wives Dish on Life AFTER “I Do!”

Talk about a culture shock!!!!

Being married has been one of the most fulfilling and humbling experiences ever! And even though we only celebrated two months of marital bliss yesterday I can definitely say…

WHAT A RIDE! 

The one question I get daily is, “How’s married life treatin’ ya?” And honestly, I answer, “It’s great, feels like I’ve done this before!”

#ISSALIE!

This is nothing like I’ve ever experienced before. This is new. This is a learning experience. This is trial and error. This is imperfect, but oh so perfect. This is an exciting and amazing time.

This is marriage. 

I love my husband. He’s handsome, caring and so considerate, but he says I snore a lot. The jury is still out on that one, because…HE LIE!! We’re still finding our way around the house, bumping into each other and trying to figure it all out. We’re still getting into the groove of our day and making sure our gym schedules align, I’m learning his weird eating schedules and me, I’m getting used to folding up clothes lol! I hate folding laundry!!

Everyone loves to give marriage advice and to tell you how to be a “good wife.” But honestly, there are some things you only learn and hear about AFTER you say “I do.” Some of these lessons come 10 years later, some come one year later and some are immediate!

I’ve reached out to some of my fave gals who also recently got hitched as we all navigate this new life and to see how they’re coping with being a new wife! And three of us had weddings on the same day!

8 Things No One Tells New Wives! 

Ianthia Ferguson

Wedding Date: 8.18.18 

advice for new wives

advice for new wives

If you know me and know me well, then you’d know that I love to eat, but don’t really like to cook. But ever since I got married, I felt like I had to prepare some glamorous meal at least three nights a week. I went from the girl who ate out to Martha Stewart in no time! Don’t ask me how, my family is still in shock! Lol! My husband had to literally tell me, “Babe, please stop cooking!” But I’m thinking, ‘I work from home and spend most of my days in the house so, my man should come home to a hot meal just about every night!’ Wrong! For some weird reason I boxed myself into this archaic mentality where my worth as a wife was (loosely) tied to what was on the stove! It dawned on me soon that not only did this man fall in love with the girl who never liked to cook, he married her! Don’t get me wrong, I still whip up our fave meals, but now I don’t put so much pressure on myself to do so, and try not to make it so much of a task or a chore. I don’t HAVE to cook! My husband says so! He loves me regardless…and he gobbled up that pasta the other night!! As a new wife I’m not only still learning, but practicing patience, kindness and daily displaying love and affection…and slowly learning that washing dishes is annoying as hell!!!!!!!

Wendy Knight

Wedding date: 2.2.18

advice for new wives

I’m eight months in and still refer to myself as Wendy Lewis. I am a traditional kind of girl and will take my husband’s last name, but no one tells you what it takes to actually change your name…or that for so long, you can still feel very much like yourself…name and all. It’s funny…because I call myself Wendy Lewis, and the very person I’m speaking to will then say, ‘ok Mrs. Knight!’ Also my husband has suddenly forgotten how to feed himself. If I am traveling or out for the evening without him, he would call me or send me a message asking ‘So, what am I supposed to eat?’  I’m like…but Dyson, the fridge is full and so are the cupboards…fix something! 🤣

Zemi Stewart

Wedding Date: 4.28.18

Though I read extensively about marriage, listened to sermons about becoming and being a godly wife and went through weeks of premarital counselling, there were elements of marriage that outright shocked me. For one, after waiting three years to have sex with my husband, I thought my sex drive would be through the roof! Unfortunately, after a bad reaction to birth control which essentially gaped my libido, that just wasn’t the case. It was very hard to accept that our obedience did not guarantee perfection. But the more I thought about the possible purpose of this season, the more I understood that many need to know that obedience won’t mean perfection.Obedience won’t mean seamless. Instead, obedience means that God will honour you and will be with you every step of the way. Secondly, I was shocked to find out just how incredibly flawed I am. Nothing exposes your flaws like marriage and I was genuinely surprised at how much self-improvement was still required. I thought I was good in this area, but marriage exposed the elements of the past that still needed to be erased, unhealthy coping mechanisms that I was overly dependent on and just how much I counted wrongs that should be forgotten. The realization knocked me off my feet! But the beauty of marriage is that your husband is your safe place. My husband is my best friend. He sees these flaws and is committed to staying, committed to helping, committed to healing. Though our marriage is shockingly so imperfect (as many are) – it has truly blessed me.

Kiana Powell
Wedding date: 8.18.18 
What’s crazy is I’m a new wife and an expecting mom so things are totally different right now. Two things I’ve learned are while in a disagreement with my husband I constantly remind myself that this a disagreement that my HUSBAND and I are having so I try to think about my reactions and responses more now. Especially with these raging hormones lol. Also, I feel a greater obligation to make sure I cook and clean and do things I would like to continue throughout our marriage.
Tanishka Watkins
Wedding date 8.18.18 
I think one thing I’ve learned and would advise is to pace your sexual intimacy. I think one assumption many couples have is once they get married they’ll wanna be at each other like rabbits, but sex is tiring lol! So it’s ok to space it out and I think this is something that couples should negotiate and talk about openly and freely with one another.

Any new, recent or veteran brides out there?! Share some lessons you’ve learned during your journey!

share
30 Responses
  • Yvonie Pierre-Louis
    October 22, 2018

    What I admired the most is that each bride was real and there were no sugar coating.Awesome!!!

  • Yvonie Pierre-Louis
    October 22, 2018

    I’m not married but I’m engaged,this was a good read Ianthia and very interesting,as I patiently wait for part 2 lol.

  • Karissma Robinson
    October 21, 2018

    I’m not married, but I found this article very helpful! I actually felt a sense of relief after reading.. because I know now that I can walk into a lifetime commitment without the pressure of perfection… my biggest take away is that marriage is perfect and beautiful with all of its imperfections! Thank you ladies 💛

    • ianthia
      October 21, 2018

      Thanks me love!!!! This was very enlightening for me as welll. Yes! You are right, we have to fall in love with the imperfections.

  • Tamara Desmangles
    October 20, 2018

    It was a very interesting read. We just celebrated the BIG 10 Aug.2. and I can truly say marriage is what YOU BOTH make it!
    There is no counseling, no book and no advice that can ultimately prepare you for the real deal (dont get me wrong, seeking Godly counsel BEFORE but even more so AFTER is a must).
    Like the Seasons (spring, summer fall & winter), marriages go through different seasons and its important to know what season your marriage is in. How (many ways but I’ll give just 1)?
    Effective communication, talk to your spouse (and not to everyone especially about the issues), share with your Babes”-that what I call mine” (and not social media), commune with your Bestfriend because that what your spouse is AND enjoy the moments doing so (though all conversations may not be the easiest). Time goes by fast even more so when your having fun💑.
    Simply take the time to learn each other (imperfections and all) and don’t try to live upto anyone’s marriage expectation except y’all own! #HappyMarriagesDoExist #MarriageIsWhatYouMakeIt

    • ianthia
      October 21, 2018

      Wow! What a testimony! i agree with everything you said!

  • Anne
    October 20, 2018

    Loved this article, Ianthia! Passed it on to my newly engaged bestie lol. But I certainly agree with Alton. You should definitely turn the tables and do the husband’s perspective.

    • ianthia
      October 20, 2018

      Thanks so much!!!!! Will definitely look into the husbands’ side!

  • Krish
    October 20, 2018

    Into my 3rd year here. Throw pseudo expectations out the door and listen to what your spouse is saying rather than what you THINK they are saying. Allow yourself to be told rather than assume. Saves a lot of hurt feelings in the end. Asking is ok! Most times men are pretty clear on wants, feelings and action.

    • ianthia
      October 20, 2018

      Agreed! Assumption is such a killer.
      Thanks for reading!

  • Alton
    October 20, 2018

    Excellent read! Husbands what’s your sides of the story!!

    • ianthia
      October 20, 2018

      thanks! Will def look into it!

  • Akeem Dean
    October 20, 2018

    Great read Ianthia I’ve only been married 1 year but so far I’m loving the journey by the Grace of God and about the flaws I look at them as seasoning in my favorite meal 😂😂😎👍

    • ianthia
      October 20, 2018

      Thanks for reading Akeem, spoken like a real chef! lol!

  • Monique Mesidor
    October 20, 2018

    I’m not married but I found this article very inspiring and enlightening.

    • ianthia
      October 20, 2018

      I’m so happy you enjoyed!

  • Simone Gibson
    October 19, 2018

    I’m not married but this was definitely a good read Ianthia! I thoroughly enjoyed this, low key wish it was longer.

    • ianthia
      October 20, 2018

      Thanks so much, Simone! Will defintiely be a part 2! I thought it would be a fun quick read, but everyone is asking for it to be longer lol

  • Mia Nottage
    October 19, 2018

    Lawd I felt that cooking situation deep down in my soul! Luckily my hubby is very understanding and made me realize that no I don’t have to cook every night to be a good wife 🙌🏽 Bless his heart …… I’ve definitely learned that you have to do what works for you. When people learn I don’t cook on sundays it’s always a big deal and I had to learn not to take that stress on because for us that’s family day. Lunch at my family homestead and dinner at his and the matriarchs at both enjoy cooking for the family and literally get upset if we don’t come! Who am I to block that blessing ???

    At 18 months in, still trying to consolidate our lives literally and figuratively is a huge adjustment. I just can’t find enough space to put my stuff but I also want to be considerate and not just throw his junk away! It’s definitely a journey that I believe you have to work at everyday. Every morning I wake up it’s a conscious decision to make our marriage work in the best way for us.

    It’s wonderful that you have been open and transparent in this discussion in a society that’s not easy to be a young married person! Great post! Enjoyed reading 😊

    • ianthia
      October 20, 2018

      Yes!!! I tell everyone, we don’t cook on Sundays lol! Our families are still feeding us. I just make sure I tote enough. But for real, marriage is such an exclusive and personal thing, you have to customise it to you! Thanks so much for reading and commenting.

  • Reni
    October 19, 2018

    I’ve been married now for four years and the one thing I’ve learned is that you have to do what works best for you in your marriage. You most definitely have to glean from trusted sources (family, friends, books, etc.), but ultimately it’s up to you both to come up with a formula that works!

    • ianthia
      October 20, 2018

      Definitely! Find your own formula!

  • Will Dames
    October 19, 2018

    I’m not married but this article is a reality check definitely some things to discuss while dating. Like what’s your after marriage expectations. Truly enjoyed this article like I wish it was longer lol

    • ianthia
      October 20, 2018

      Lol! Looks like I have to do a part 2!
      Thanks so much for reading!

  • Brendia
    October 19, 2018

    Awesome read! I was under the impression that I should cook often and started off cooking everyday too but my husband lovingly told me it was not needed. Marriage is definitely all about learning and growing.

    • ianthia
      October 19, 2018

      Yes!!! That was one of my insecurities going in! I really don’t like the kitchen and everyone else in my family loves to cook so I always got away because they were always cooking. Marriage made me feel like I HAD TO cook something hot every other night or I was less of a wife. Mu husband quickly cut that out cause knows that aint really me. Now, I feel great making him a meal but i do it with less pressure and stress on myself.

  • Dr. Dee
    October 19, 2018

    It was a great read! I’m sure all the new wives would appreciate the realness!

    • ianthia
      October 19, 2018

      Thanks Dee! Definitely had a blast putting this one together! it gets very real after “I do!” lol

  • Pereece V. Woods
    October 19, 2018

    This is a really great piece. I love the reality of the post from each bride. Thanks for sharing!

    • ianthia
      October 19, 2018

      Thank so much for reading! So happy you enjoyed!

What do you think?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *