Talk about a culture shock!!!!
Being married has been one of the most fulfilling and humbling experiences ever! And even though we only celebrated two months of marital bliss yesterday I can definitely say…
WHAT A RIDE!
The one question I get daily is, “How’s married life treatin’ ya?” And honestly, I answer, “It’s great, feels like I’ve done this before!”
This is nothing like I’ve ever experienced before. This is new. This is a learning experience. This is trial and error. This is imperfect, but oh so perfect. This is an exciting and amazing time.
This is marriage.
I love my husband. He’s handsome, caring and so considerate, but he says I snore a lot. The jury is still out on that one, because…HE LIE!! We’re still finding our way around the house, bumping into each other and trying to figure it all out. We’re still getting into the groove of our day and making sure our gym schedules align, I’m learning his weird eating schedules and me, I’m getting used to folding up clothes lol! I hate folding laundry!!
Everyone loves to give marriage advice and to tell you how to be a “good wife.” But honestly, there are some things you only learn and hear about AFTER you say “I do.” Some of these lessons come 10 years later, some come one year later and some are immediate!
I’ve reached out to some of my fave gals who also recently got hitched as we all navigate this new life and to see how they’re coping with being a new wife! And three of us had weddings on the same day!
Things No One Tells New Wives!
Wedding Date: 8.18.18
If you know me and know me well, then you’d know that I love to eat, but don’t really like to cook. But ever since I got married, I felt like I had to prepare some glamorous meal at least three nights a week. I went from the girl who ate out to Martha Stewart in no time! Don’t ask me how, my family is still in shock! Lol! My husband had to literally tell me, “Babe, please stop cooking!” But I’m thinking, ‘I work from home and spend most of my days in the house so, my man should come home to a hot meal just about every night!’ Wrong! For some weird reason I boxed myself into this archaic mentality where my worth as a wife was (loosely) tied to what was on the stove! It dawned on me soon that not only did this man fall in love with the girl who never liked to cook, he married her! Don’t get me wrong, I still whip up our fave meals, but now I don’t put so much pressure on myself to do so, and try not to make it so much of a task or a chore. I don’t HAVE to cook! My husband says so! He loves me regardless…and he gobbled up that pasta the other night!! As a new wife I’m not only still learning, but practicing patience, kindness and daily displaying love and affection…and slowly learning that washing dishes is annoying as hell!!!!!!!
Wedding date: 2.2.18
I’m eight months in and still refer to myself as Wendy Lewis. I am a traditional kind of girl and will take my husband’s last name, but no one tells you what it takes to actually change your name…or that for so long, you can still feel very much like yourself…name and all. It’s funny…because I call myself Wendy Lewis, and the very person I’m speaking to will then say, ‘ok Mrs. Knight!’ Also my husband has suddenly forgotten how to feed himself. If I am traveling or out for the evening without him, he would call me or send me a message asking ‘So, what am I supposed to eat?’ I’m like…but Dyson, the fridge is full and so are the cupboards…fix something! 🤣
Wedding Date: 4.28.18
Though I read extensively about marriage, listened to sermons about becoming and being a godly wife and went through weeks of premarital counselling, there were elements of marriage that outright shocked me. For one, after waiting three years to have sex with my husband, I thought my sex drive would be through the roof! Unfortunately, after a bad reaction to birth control which essentially gaped my libido, that just wasn’t the case. It was very hard to accept that our obedience did not guarantee perfection. But the more I thought about the possible purpose of this season, the more I understood that many need to know that obedience won’t mean perfection.Obedience won’t mean seamless. Instead, obedience means that God will honour you and will be with you every step of the way. Secondly, I was shocked to find out just how incredibly flawed I am. Nothing exposes your flaws like marriage and I was genuinely surprised at how much self-improvement was still required. I thought I was good in this area, but marriage exposed the elements of the past that still needed to be erased, unhealthy coping mechanisms that I was overly dependent on and just how much I counted wrongs that should be forgotten. The realization knocked me off my feet! But the beauty of marriage is that your husband is your safe place. My husband is my best friend. He sees these flaws and is committed to staying, committed to helping, committed to healing. Though our marriage is shockingly so imperfect (as many are) – it has truly blessed me.
What’s crazy is I’m a new wife and an expecting mom so things are totally different right now. Two things I’ve learned are while in a disagreement with my husband I constantly remind myself that this a disagreement that my HUSBAND and I are having so I try to think about my reactions and responses more now. Especially with these raging hormones lol. Also, I feel a greater obligation to make sure I cook and clean and do things I would like to continue throughout our marriage.
I think one thing I’ve learned and would advise is to pace your sexual intimacy. I think one assumption many couples have is once they get married they’ll wanna be at each other like rabbits, but sex is tiring lol! So it’s ok to space it out and I think this is something that couples should negotiate and talk about openly and freely with one another.